Denise Tam

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Perfect Peace

Posted by Denise on February 6, 2013 at 9:30 AM

He says He gives peace not of the world, peace that surpasses all understanding, peace that comes with faith and believing - perfect peace.


I've heard this countless times, but it's only during the past few years - which were some of my most difficult, did I come to truly experience and thus understand what He means.


 

As I waited this week for my PET-CT scan results to come out, there were admittedly moments of doubt, but for the most part I felt peace and confidence. It wasn't from believing the results would be good, but that the results were in the hands of God and that whatever they were He would use them for good.


 

Turns out the results were fantastic. I am now in remission (no cancer cells are detected in the scan) and after several comments from the doctor that originally advised me to do the bone marrow transplant, I also made the decision not to do the transplant. The risks are too high, and honestly unreasonable, for me to take especially now that I'm in remission.


 

Instead I will be on a maintenance chemotherapy, most likely once every 10-12 weeks, the duration hasn't really been discussed yet but it is usually for 2-3 years depending. Typically your body usually can't handle too much more chemotherapy after that (apart from also being a financial issue).


 

As mentioned in previous posts, lymphoma is really unlike other cancers. Not only does it come and go, but the longer you are in remission the chances of a relapse increases. In short, the more years you live cancer free, the greater the risk of it coming back. It's completely contradictory to the definition of being 'cured' from cancer which is typically said of those who live 5 plus years cancer free.


 

Considering my age, the fact that Ive relapsed and was diagnosed both times at stage 4 doesn't give me much of an advantage. And the doc says its just a matter of time that it comes back.


 

I'm not going to get into the specifics of why I'm rejecting the option of a bone marrow transplant (you can email me if you really want to know), but I'll just say that I have felt God guiding me (for the very first time!) to this decision. If you've been following my journey since 2009, He hasn't made any medical decision of mine very clear at all other than this one.


 

Apart from the chemo I will also be on the search for new, alternative, integrative and holistic treatments to kick this thing far into the end zone and  keep it there for the rest of my hopefully long life. My new goal which will probably be a lifetime one incorporated into my daily life is to have the best defense tactics to tackle the tricky plays lymphoma has up its sleeves.


 

It can get a little scary thinking about the future and what could happen. And although the future is unknown, I have peace that He knows, that He knows the game plan, that He will equip me with strength and more courage if it does come back and that He's even won the game for me. And so I continue on this training He's set out for me with peace and assurance that in all things God works together for good.


 

(Thank you again and again for your endless and fervent prayers, support, love, encouragement and kind thoughts. I couldn't have gotten here without you all!)

 

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4 Comments

Reply Vicky
10:04 AM on February 6, 2013 
Praise God! Am sooo proud of you and to have the privilege of being able to call you a friend. You are absolutely AMAZING! xoxo
Reply Richard
9:31 PM on February 15, 2013 
The future is unknown and uncertain, but resting in the peace that God knows and equips you for whatever comes makes perfect sense. Congratulations on being in remission!
Reply Rosita Lee
10:35 PM on February 15, 2013 
Happy Chinese New Year! Thank you for the good news. We'll continue to pray. Take care.
Reply Peter Yeung
4:32 PM on March 2, 2013 
He always means what He says in His word. But often, we are to busy or preoccupied to hear, we almost feel we do not need to trust it as we are so self-sufficient. I have been there and still go back there sometimes.
But in His infinite grace, sometimes, He 'expels' us out to the wilderness to hear Him and to know Him. Then, our eyes get opened and our ears are unplugged...
That is grace. That is mercy. That is love. That is our God...